


Lie

by Minunlike



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: M/M, Pre-Canon, and a little fluff?, angst kinda, kaede's there too for a bit, mostly just sadness though, then a tiny bit of game canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-31 01:39:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12665640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minunlike/pseuds/Minunlike
Summary: Shuichi is certainly an interesting person.





	Lie

**Author's Note:**

> hi guess who has recently finished playing drv3!! and guess which pairing I have recently become absolute shameless trash for despite previous reservations!!
> 
> this is mostly a 'pseudo-poetic' stream-of-consciousness type of fic (at least, as stream-of-consciousness as my schedule allows nowadays). but gosh the tense relationship and heavy implications between these guys were just too good for me to ignore... and so this fic happened. I hope it's enjoyable enough hehe~
> 
> there are endgame spoilers present, but only vaguely. still, please tread with caution if you haven't beaten the game yet

You don't really think much of him, at first.

If anything, you find him _astoundingly_ lame.

Kaede's always stringing him along, trying to get him to talk to people. She's in your class. He isn't. But she brings him over after school every day because she thinks he needs more friends. You don't really want anything to do with a wimpy, boring silent-type loser like him, but you play along anyway. In part, you suppose it’s to make Kaede happy. Mostly it’s just to shut her up.

For the first couple weeks, it's just as boring as you'd expect. It's just you, him and Kaede hanging out, playing games, getting food, or whatever you can all agree on doing. Or rather, whatever the outcome of a coin toss decides after you and Kaede argue indecisively, while he hangs back and tries to mediate.

… Anyway, the first couple weeks are pretty boring. He’s supposed to be making friends, but you and Kaede are the ones doing almost all the talking. He just sits back and goes “Mmhm”, “Uh-huh”, “I suppose”, and other dodgy, passive copout bullshit. It’s the most annoying thing in the world, and you have to wonder why that stupid girl even bothers with him sometimes.

Gradually, you do learn little bits and pieces of information about him. His name is Shuichi Saihara. His family just recently moved into this town. He apparently doesn’t even go to your school at all. His school is practically on the opposite side of town. But he and Kaede are neighbors, so she’s always fretting over him and trying to help him get out more. He loves reading books, and he’s always got some kind of book with him when he’s out and about. He really likes mystery novels in particular. He admires detective-type characters, and he thinks he might wanna get into law or forensic science when he graduates.

But you don’t really care. He’s probably lying, anyway.

Maybe he wants to look smart? Or maybe he just wants to look busy. You don’t know. And again, you don’t care.

There’s nobody alive on this earth who doesn’t have something to hide. You’ve learned that by now. People hide behind secrets, behind paper-thin projections of themselves. They bury their feelings and put on a show for the rest of the world. They’ll do anything they can to avoid hurt feelings, to avoid painful conflicts, to reassure themselves that everything is fine and they’re not doing anything wrong.

You know this because you’re the most proficient liar of them all.

That’s how you get by in life. If it can’t be undoubtedly confirmed as the truth, just assume it’s a lie. And whenever you know you can get away with it, lie to everyone you talk to, about anything and everything. Lie about your opinions. Lie about your goals and dreams. Lie about any arbitrary thing that pops into your head. It doesn’t matter if it serves a practical purpose or not. Keep spewing lies just for the hell of it. Keep lying and lying and lying until even you can’t remember what’s actually the truth anymore.

That way, no one can make any sense of you. That way, no one can fully understand you.

That way, no one can touch you.

Nobody in this world is your friend. Kaede? She’s not your friend. You go along with her wishes sometimes when it benefits you, or because you feel like it. But you can drop her like a rock any time you want, and it’ll be like she was never here.

Shuichi? He’s not your friend either. You talk to him because Kaede wants the guy to have friends so damn badly, and you don’t mind feigning interest for a little while if it spares you her guilt-tripping. But in the end, he’s the same as she is. He’s inconsequential. He’s disposable. You don’t have anything _against_ him… but when all is said and done, you really couldn’t care less about him.

Well… that may not be entirely 100% true.

Much as you hate to admit it, and don’t really get it… you’re a little _bothered_ by him.

Deep down, you know he’s just like you. He puts up walls and bottles his nasty thoughts up so that he never has to hurt anyone. So that he never has to _be_ hurt by anyone. It’s much more convenient and much less painful to just keep his mouth shut.

Despite all that, though, something about him is just so… _earnest_.

Maybe it’s Kaede’s fault. She was the one who tried so hard to make him open up. But he talks a lot more now, and his words and his actions always seem so… _needlessly kind_. He’ll do things and say things and give things to people even when he knows he’ll get absolutely nothing out of it. He’ll give lunch money to someone even if it means going without lunch. He’ll run an errand for someone even when it makes him late. And even when he’s exasperated or angry, he’ll always express it in the in the most reserved and gentle way he possibly can.

It’s still lying, of course, but it’s the kind of lie that you simply can’t wrap your head around. You don’t mind lying to appease people, and you don’t mind lying to spare someone’s fragile ego.

But as much as you love to lie, there’s no point if _you’re_ the only one who’s hurt by it… is there?

You still don’t really care that much, but… Shuichi is certainly an interesting person. He’s predictable, but not in the way that most other people are. Kindness like his is rather uncommon, and that alone makes him at least somewhat exceptional in your eyes.

More than anything, though… it makes him that much more fun to _fuck around_ _with_.

It doesn’t matter how many times you lie to him, he always looks so _betrayed_ when you reveal your ruse. Even when you disappoint him, or inconvenience him, or even just flat-out piss him off, you can see him trying so hard to express it without hurting your feelings. He can never settle on an absolute truth or an absolute lie. He always goes for the safe, comfortable middle ground.

It’s still a lie in the end, though. He’s holding back his true, ugly feelings.

But you don’t care, because you’re having fun.

Now you’re hanging out with him just because you want to. You don’t even need to use Kaede as an excuse anymore. You’ve been to her house a few times, so finding Shuichi’s house on your own is hardly even a challenge.

And he always welcomes you. You’re the source of so much of his frustration and so many of his headaches, but he’s always so happy to see you. You continue feeding him endless streams of lies and pointless mind games, and he continues to take them all in stride. By now he should be tired of all the lying and teasing and screwing with his head, but he never acts like it. Well, sometimes he does seem to be tired of the lying… but he never seems to get tired of _you_.

That’s probably a lie too. But for some strange reason, you’re thankful for it. He’s so stupid and selfless and overly trusting… it’s almost cute.

_Yeah… Shuichi’s pretty cute, actually._

_……_

_………??_

You’re sitting in his house beside him when that thought first crosses your mind. And when it does, it makes your heart turn painfully in your chest. It’s apparently bad enough to make him turn to you and ask you if something's wrong. Naturally, you recover in no time at all and blow it off as something unimportant. Because really, it’s not _that_ important in the grand scheme of things, is it?

But… it scares you.

You know what this feeling is, and you know what it means.

But you can’t accept it… because you already know how it’s going to end.

You’re not stupid. You’ve seen enough to know that it all ends the same way for everyone. People fall in love. They’re happy for a while. They bare their souls to each other. They get hurt. They get bitter. They use that love as a weapon and turn it into pain. Then they turn back around and cling to that love to make the pain seem worth it. Then they turn it into pain again. And again. And again. And it goes on and on and on and on and on.

It’s all just one big fat fucking lie.

And you don’t want to put yourself through that.

But more than anything… you don’t want to put Shuichi through that.

…...

You try so hard to drive him away. It’s little, innocuous things at first, like randomly hiding his things. Like scribbling all over his precious books with black marker. Like casually slipping cruel, demeaning insults in between your usual teasing words. Like making plans to meet him and then never showing up, then pretending not to remember ever making plans in the first place. _Who’s Saihara? You don’t know any Saihara. This is the wrong number, dumbass._

That should be enough, right? No one is worth that kind of degrading, abusive bullshit, right...?

But like the pure, stubborn, _stupid fucking moron_ that he is, he still reaches out to you. He’s still so determined to understand you, to keep believing in you.

All the while, you’re lying harder to yourself than ever before. You’re constantly flip-flopping between the lies and the truth.

_You love him. No you don’t. You should be honest with him. Like hell, who do you think you are? He doesn’t care. He cares too much. Even now, he’s trying so hard for you. He hates you. You’re fine with that. You’re not, actually. You want to be close to him. You want him to stay the hell away from you. The sound of his voice is comforting. You wish he’d just shut up. You don’t, actually. He’s so impossibly adorable. The sight of him makes you want to throw up. It might be nice to have one tiny look at his body without clNO NO FUCK NO ABSOLUTELY NOT. It hurts to be near him. It hurts to be away from him. Your love for him isn’t real, actually. Your brain made it up to make being around him more tolerable. That has to be it. That can’t be it. You don’t care either way. You do care and you know it. Maybe it is real. It’s not. It is. It’s not. It doesn’t matter either way._

If you just keep fervently repeating all of these contradictory thoughts in your head over and over and over and over, maybe you’ll eventually reach the point where none of them mean anything anymore. Then it’ll all stop.

But it doesn’t. No matter how many words you feed yourself, the weight in your chest and the haze in your mind refuse to go away.

It’s fine, though. It’s fine. All you have to do is keep lying. Just keep doing what you’ve always been doing up till now. You’ve buried so many other emotions, you can bury these ones too. He won’t suspect a thing, and that’ll give you plenty of time to get over this, and then none of it will even matter.

…

A few days later, he confesses to you. He looks at you with his serious, earnest, stupid face and tells you that he loves you. And that’s when you realize that this can’t go on any longer.

He offers his hand to you... and you slap it away. You laugh in his stupid face and shove him to the ground. You stand over him with a condescending sneer and berate him mercilessly.

_'Did you seriously think I could ever love a sad, sorry little loser like you? I never gave two shits about you! It was all a lie! You’re nothing but a tool for my entertainment! It was so obvious, too! But you were still too stupid to see it! And you have the audacity to think you could ever be a real detective? What a fucking joke! You’re so unbelievably stupid! I don’t need you anymore! I don’t Want you anymore! I’m DONE with you now…!'_

Then you turn and you _run like hell_. All you can think about is running as fast as you can, until he’s out of your sight and out of your mind. Now it’s over. Now it can finally end…-

He grabs your shoulder.

He pulls you toward him.

He hugs you gently.

He speaks to you in a soft whisper. There’s tiredness in his voice, but not a trace of anger.

“... Come on. We both know you’re a better liar than that.”

...Maybe you’ve lost your touch. It might have been that one tiny crack in your voice that gave it away. Or was it the way your lips trembled a little as you finished that last sentence?

Maybe… it happened intentionally. Maybe you wanted this. You really can’t be certain anymore.

You start to wrench yourself away. It’s a half-hearted move, and you quickly stop.

Shuichi’s arms are warm. He hugs you just tightly enough to keep you from bolting on your own, but lightly enough to let you know that you can leave at any time.

It’s a lie.

“Please… just this once, let me hear the truth.”

His head rests on your shoulder. He has to lean a little awkwardly to do it, but his voice is still calm and patient. It’s a lie. He squeezes you a little tighter.

“I know it’s scary… I’m scared too.”

He doesn’t know anything.

One of his hands slides down and searches for one of yours. It’s a lie. He finds your hand and holds it. His fingers intertwine with yours. You let them. His hand is warm… it feels nice. It’s a lie.

You stay like that for a moment. It’s a lie. He’s probably waiting for you to run away, and when he’s reasonably sure you won’t, he starts talking again.

“It doesn’t have to be all at once, but… I’d like you to try and open up for me, just a little.”

He pulls away just enough to look you in the eyes. It’s the first time you’ve ever met each other’s eyes directly, and it makes your heart give another painful lurch. It’s a lie. You can tell that it’s hard for him to keep up, and you see his eyes waver for a split second. It’s a lie. Despite the struggle he’s putting himself through, he’s smiling.

“... Do you think you can do that for me?”

It’s a lie. It’s a lie. You can’t tear your eyes away. It’s a lie. No matter how much you want to. It’s a lie.

It’s a lie.  
It’s a lie.  
It’s a lie.  
His lips connect with yours.  
It’s a lie.  
It’s a lie.  
He kisses you.

It’s a lie. It’s a lie. It’s a lie. It’s a lie it’s a lie it’s a lie it’s a lie it’s a lie it’s a lie it’s a lie it’salieit’salieit’salieit’salieit’salieit’salieit’salieit’salieit’salieit’salieit’salieit’salieit’salieit’salieit’saaaaaaaa

He pulls away abruptly.

“Aah, s-sorry… that was way too forward, I’m sorry! I don’t want to force this onto y-”

It’s a lie.

The force with which you yank him back toward you, it’s a lie. The strength with which you cling to him is a lie. Every single one of the hot, fat tears that drip down your face is a lie. The words that come pouring from your mouth and into his shirt are all a lie.

_‘Stupid._  
_Idiot._  
_Loser._  
_Fucking dumb shit._  
_I love you._  
_You god damn moron._  
_You unbelievable fucking dumbass._  
_I love you so much._  
_God why are you so hopelessly Stupid…’_

It’s a lie. It’s all a lie.

…

What does that word even mean?

What makes something a lie?  
What makes it the truth?

You don’t know anymore... and for the first time in your life, you truly, sincerely don’t care.

Just this once, you want to let yourself be stupid.

...

…

“I think that’s why I like mystery novels more than fantasy. In mystery novels, the characters are all _human_... even the villains.”

You’re lying in bed with him, resting your head against his chest as you read another one of his cheesy, dumb detective books with him. You’re tired and you can’t really follow the words on the page right now, but it’s still nice to listen to him go on and on about them like an excited little kid.

“Fantasy novels usually have some all-powerful entity that does evil and hurts people just because that’s what it does… but nobody commits a crime for no reason. Even if that reason doesn’t make sense to us right away, the writers eventually give us at least a small chance to see what was going on in the culprit’s head. And then, you can almost start to understand _why_ they would be driven to do such horrible things…”

You nod listlessly. You’re not even all that invested in the book anymore. You figured out the culprit’s identity seven chapters ago, so now you’re just staring through the page, listening to him ramble, letting yourself be lulled to sleep by the steady thrum of his heartbeat.

“I just think the villains are much more enjoyable when you can _understand_ them a little… you know?”

You close your eyes and nod listlessly again.

_‘Hm… I guess so.’_

You’re too tired now to waste your energy on lying… but you’re still not sure how much you really mean that.

…

……

………

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

……

The first time you meet the Ultimate Detective, you feel a strange sensation in your chest. It almost seems like some eerie sense of deja vu.

You can’t even begin to imagine why you would feel anything like that, though. This guy is just another gullible, worthless loser, after all. He’s so soft and stupid and _trusting_ … He’ll be dead before you know it.

So why bother with him? He’s not worth your time.

This feeling… it’s just another lie.

…

Still… it’s just too much fun to mess around with him.

You won’t dare let him get close to you… but he’s just too intriguing to ignore completely.

...

………

Even though you know it's dangerous, you just can't stop coming back to him.

But no matter what... he'll never touch you.

Never.

No one will.

...

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

……

“You’re alone, Kokichi. And you always will be.”

You feel another dull, hollow, painful sensation inside of you when he speaks those words. It’s enough to leave even you, the Ultimate Supreme Leader of Evil, at a total loss for words. It’s only for a moment, but even that is alarming to you.

...But you’ve come too far now. You don’t have the luxury of stopping to contemplate the meaning behind a feeling as arbitrary as that.

_‘…’_

_‘Geez, boooring. I’m no longer interested.’_

Everything that happens after that is a total blur. You’re such a good actor by now that you don’t even have to think when you’re doing it anymore.

But as you walk away, that painful, hollow feeling still remains... even when you’ve left the room entirely, when you’ve secluded yourself far away from any human contact, and emptied your mind of everything but your ultimate goal... that feeling still remains.

……

But who cares? It’s just another one of the countless false leads and fabricated motives fed to you throughout this entire fucked-up ordeal. It doesn’t mean anything. It never meant anything.

It’s just another lie.

 

That’s all it ever was.


End file.
